Raw review, 4/13

Ah, the WWE Draft: an annual rite of Spring. Or, a desperate attempt by WWE creative to scrap lame storylines and throw together new ones in an effort to boost ratings (provided they do, in fact, know what they're doing... and sometimes I wonder).

Before we get going, some things I'd like to see:

• A CM Punk heel turn. Why? It'd be unexpected, and different. There's a surplus of faces right now, especially with JBL leaving.
• Chris Jericho getting a major title push. His heel character is beyond brilliant, and it needs to be rewarded.
• Take the IC Title off of Rey Mysterio, please. Or, at least quit putting him in programs with guys twice his size.
• All those things I said in my ECW Review last week (start reading at "Speaking of the draft").
• Move Edge away from Vickie Guerrero, for the love of all that is holy. And don't just start the same shit with her and Big Show. No more love affairs, no more "La Familia" -- just stop it.
  

That's all I want, something fresh, something entertaining. I really think the WWE is missing the point, here. I get they're trying to get kids early, so that's why guys like John Cena and Jeff Hardy get huge pushes. But the biggest demographic is young adult male group, people like me, and we grew up with the Monday Night Wars and the Attitude Era. So push the envelope a little, give us something edgy. Just my opinion.

OK, here we go. We start off with Batista, Shane McMahon and Triple H cutting a promo about who wants to knock Randy Orton's head off the most. He punted my head, no he punted my head harder, well he punted my wife's head, yadda yadda. Then Vickie comes out and announces a handicap match pitting Legacy members Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase vs. HHH, Shane-o-Mac and Batista. If one of the latter three win, whoever gets the pin/submission gets Orton one-on-one next week. Interesting, I love that Orton is the heel everyone hates.

Our first match is between ECW's Evan Bourne and Raw's Mysterio, winner's brand gets the first draft pick. Fascinating that WWE chose to put ECW in this match, maybe they're actually considering taking it seriously as a brand?

Well, maybe not. Mysterio gets the pin with the 619/splash combo, aka the worst finisher ever. Entertaining match, though, just another strong argument to bring back the Cruiserweight division.

And the first pick is... MVP, the United States Champion. I like it, a lot of possible feuds for him on Raw. Now that we know this, it should mean that Mysterio goes to Smackdown, or loses to belt to someone from Smackdown (please, please, please).

Next match for the next pick is between Raw's Kane and Smackdown's The Brian Kendrick. I really like Kendrick, especially when paired up with Ezekial Jackson. Well, in time it took to write that sentence, Kane decimates Kendrick and Jackson. Raw gets another pick... and it's Big Show.

Of course the announcers go on the "he's so dominating, who's gonna stop him?" kick. You know what, when's the last time they put the strap on one of these "dominating" guys like Show or Kane (and I don't mean the so-called ECW title)? Why not give Kane or Show a decent run with one of the major titles? Really follow through with this unstoppable force thing. Maybe that makes too much sense.

Couple of promos next. First, Randy Orton barges in Vickie's office, punks out Chavo and tells Vickie what's up. See, this is why Orton is the man and should have the WWE Title: he gets on everybody's bad side.

After that, ECW Champ Jack Swagger confronts World Heavyweight Champ John Cena in an entertaining promo about Swagger calling himself the "All-American American." Cena wants to be The Rock soooooooo badly. If I was Bill Gates rich, I would ask Rocky to just name the price for him to come back and put Cena in his place. Please Rocky, no more kids movies, just come back to us.

The next match is a Divas match between Raw's team of Melina, Mickie James and Kelly Kelly vs. Smackdown's Michelle McCool, Maryse and Natalya. McCool gets the win for Smackdown, and the pick is... Melina.

Cena vs. Swagger is up after next, and the winning brand gets two draft picks. I love Swagger's potential. He's got the amateur background, knows his way around the ring, sells his bumps, and is already decent on the mic. The kid could be a STAR in the future. A big "let's go Swagger!" chant starts in the Atlanta crowd, go ATL! But seriously, isn't Cena due for a heel turn? There's a large segment of the fanbase that just doesn't like him, and also a big enough contingent that loves him so it works both as a logical move and a shock.

OK, this is gonna piss me off. Swagger has out-wrestled Cena in every aspect and -- yep, as I type this Cena hits his finisher and submission hold out of nowhere. That always happens, Cena gets his ass whupped but somehow finds the energy to make a big finish. Horrible wrestler, horrible seller. The picks are... Matt Hardy and Triple H. Wow, think the writers are favoring Raw here? Of course, this happened last year and then the show ended with a bang with Trips going to Smackdown.

Edge attacks Cena during the distraction, maybe they'll put the belt on him come Backlash? I don't know, but you know something's gotta happen to move the World Heavyweight Title to Smackdown.

Santino Marella is out next! Uh oh, his opponent is The Great Khali. Khali gets an easy win, earning Smackdown a pick and forcing Santina to go on the Khali Kiss Cam next week (comedy gold is sure to happen). Anywho, the pick is... CM Punk. I like that move, a lot. He's been on ECW/Raw his whole career, so this is a fresh start for him.

Up next is ECW's Miz vs. Raw's Kofi Kingston. OK, the announcers have been saying for WEEKS "what will happen if Miz and Morrison get split up?" So, it's gotta happen here, right? I mean, it's all they talk about during their matches. Hell, they just dropped the word "bromance" on us. Alright, I like Kingston and all, but he needs a much better finisher. That spinning kick twirly thing he does takes waaayyy too long.

Well, Kingston wins via DQ in an awful finish to a superb match. Nice job, writers, really. And, yes, The Miz has in fact been drafted to Raw. The boys look like they're about to cry and, whoa! Miz hits Morrison with a Reality Check in a nice twist. OK, decent job of making up for that horrible match finish.

Of course, Raw is dominating this draft. So Smackdown has to win this tri-branded battle royal hands down, right? Right on cue, Edge eliminates Big Show to win it for Smackdown. And the picks are... Kane and Chris Jericho. Well, maybe this'll give them the pushes I asked for earlier.

Either ECW or Smackdown will get the next pick, as Christian takes on Shelton Benjamin. Christian wins a fairly solid match, and the pick is... Vladimir Kozlov. Ho hum. I'm now convinced that ECW is for young wrestlers, guys Vince doesn't like, and guys creative have no idea what to do with.

Our next tilt is between a couple of tonight's draft picks, Raw's Matt Hardy and Smackdown's CM Punk. Now that Matt is on Raw, I reckon that means his feud with Jeff Hardy is over. Thank you. OK, now Jeff comes down and interrupts the match, getting the win for Matt and Raw via DQ. What the hell, WWE? Really, you're gonna have lame finishes to two good matches in one night? Sheesh. Whatever, the pick is... Maryse, the WWE Divas Champ. Guess that was a foregone conclusion with Melina, the Women's Champ, going to Smackdown earlier. But you would think they could've saved that for the supplemental draft instead.

Smackdown's Jericho squares off against ECW's Tommy Dreamer for the next pick. Jericho gets the win after a Code Breaker, and the pick is... Rey Mysterio (told you so).

So that does it for the draft for tonight, here's the final tally:

Raw: WWE Champ Triple H, Big Show, United States Champ MVP, Divas Champ Maryse, Matt Hardy, Miz
Smackdown: Intercontinental Champ Rey Mysterio, Women's Champ Melina, Kane, Chris Jericho, MITB winner CM Punk
ECW: Vladimir Kozlov

Naturally, it comes down to how creative uses them, but at first glance Raw gets the best deal. And, you gotta think this means they'll put the World Heavyweight Title on Edge at Backlash.

Main event time, remember that if Rhodes and Dibiase win, whomever loses has to go one-on-three vs. Legacy next week. But if HHH, Batista or Shane win, whomever gets the win gets Orton in a match. The match is filled with infighting between Shane, Trips and Batista, and HHH gets the win after a pedigree on DiBiase. Show ends with a stare down between Orton and Triple H.

See, that's what a Raw should be like. A few promos here and there to push storylines, but mostly full of good, solid matches.